We Suffer More Often in Imagination Than in Reality — Seneca

The idea comes from Seneca’s thirteenth letter to Lucilius. In Latin he writes: saepius opinione quam re laboramus. In context, Seneca says that more things frighten us than actually crush us and warns against becoming miserable before the feared event has even arrived.

Seneca is not claiming that suffering is imaginary or that real problems should be dismissed. His point is more precise: human beings frequently add a second layer of suffering to reality by anticipating what might happen.

We rehearse a difficult conversation before it takes place. We experience failure before we have even tried. We imagine rejection before anyone has given us an answer. Sometimes our fears do come true. But even then, we may have suffered through the same event dozens of times before reality finally arrived.

A useful Stoic distinction is between facts and predictions. A fact might be: you have an important meeting tomorrow. A prediction is: you will make a mistake, embarrass yourself, lose the opportunity and regret it for years. Only the first statement currently belongs to reality.

This does not mean ignoring risk. Preparation is rational. You can study, practise, make contingency plans and think through possible outcomes. But preparation leads to action. Anxiety often leads only to another repetition of the worst possible scenario.

When fear begins building a future for you, ask: What do I know? What am I assuming? And what can I actually do now? Sometimes the situation does need to be faced — but it only needs to be faced once.